Overcoming the Aesthetic of Self Development, Healing, and Searching for Purpose

so you can learn how to trust your Self and become faithful to your unique journey into the truth of who you are

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This article is part of a series of written contemplations that are guiding my own personal Grand Rising Experience and how it will inevitably seep into the Podcast, Portal and Summits. These are fluid concepts, both tangible and abstract, I find my Self flowing through as I seek to find greater wells of purpose and peace, through an embodied journey into the truth of who I am.

These musings represent the heavily nuanced conversations I am inviting into my life and holding space to have and explore more deeply.

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Photo by Caleb Jones on Unsplash

Anyone who has undertaken the task of healing what ails, be it physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, environmental, or societal, has likely experienced the full spectrum of emotions from connection to conflict, within the ideologies and communities their curiosity has led them into. I know I’ve experienced the existential crisis that kicks in when you no longer feel aligned or safe within the spaces that once felt loving, nourishing, and healing; when the initiators began to feel like imitators because you realize they too are walking this human Soul path, just like you. (If this is familiar territory for you, I’d love to know how you’re navigating it in the comments.)

Can you feel the weight of self-responsibility settling upon you? A bit heavy, isn’t it?

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My chosen path has been beautifully messy, enlightening, at times debilitating, and deeply enriching. It’s also been predominantly individual. I’ve never quite been able to live for extended periods of time inside of closed containers with experts, cut and paste formulas, how to’s, and dogmatic principles. In fact, the moment I begin to sense mechanisms of control materializing, I find my Self creating exit strategies; a trait I’ve been observing more closely as it both liberates and enslaves me based on how it’s being activated.

After 7+ years of witnessing my own evolution through burnout, breakdowns, breakthroughs, the Great Activation of 2020, and now intuitively feeling another Activation brewing, I am feeling compelled to share what my experience is currently revealing to me.

What I’m Learning

The world we’ve been conditioned into functions on immoral, unethical, and deceptive systems and structures that are constantly activating our deepest traumas and wounds of abandonment and lack. Meaning, we are constantly creating or being threatened with situations that require us to self-abandon or else risk losing something or someone we love and value. The vibration activated within this state of fear, permeates all aspects of consciousness from the micro to the macro, calibrating a collective frequency that reinforces itself across generations. Becoming aware of this, has the power to immediately start shifting how you respond to both your inner and outer world.

Unconscious fear-based energies create an unstable, overcharged, and reactive nervous system which extracts your attention, energy, and generates your greatest source of pain. This is literally how our current commercial, capitalist and consumerist world thrives.

What if simply turning all of your attention inward and becoming the neutral observer and witness of Self, is how you begin to harness and amplify your power? 

What does this even mean?

In my experience, learning how to embody the pause where unyielding self Honesty and Acceptance cultivates the inherent Loyalty that breeds self Trust, is the transformative process that alchemizes pain into power and purpose. This is why I often say, you must HALT before you can Rise.

I say this because, trust begets trust. You can’t reasonably place anything or anyone in a position of trust if you cannot trust your Self at all times. Self trust is a direct consequence of honesty, acceptance and loyalty to Self, first. If you feel like you are surrounded by dishonesty, denial, betrayal and untrustworthy people and institutions, it’s time to HALT, peel back your own layers, and faithfully walk into your own fires, before attempting to correct it outside of you.

Interestingly enough, at the core of faith is trust, and I’m not sure that one can truly exist without the other. Faith is defined as the confident or unquestioning belief in the truth, value, or trustworthiness of a person, idea, or thing. 

If you contemplate this symbiotic relationship between faith and trust long enough, many uncomfortable truths surface and righteous aesthetics begin to dissolve…or so I’ve learned. It’s also an incredibly nuanced conversation that I’ll be having in future podcast episodes.

Nothing feels better than finding resonance with people, places, and things, that make you feel seen, heard, held, supported, and loved…that is until you learn how to cultivate it within the deepest aspects of your Self.

If you find your Self at a crossroads and are questioning your current surroundings, you are being invited to lean into the root of your resonance with the location instead of the presentation of it. Can you HALT; slip into a moment of pause and listen?

Through every cell of your being and beyond…listen.

Feel into the resonance. The parts of your Self that harmonizes with what you are being told or shown - good, bad, or indifferent.

Feel into the intuitive flutters and nudges that let you know if what you are resonating with feels familiar, and then allow your curiosity to guide you into the layers of why.

We are living in a time where discernment has never been needed more. But it is a level of discernment that exists within layers of self-trust and faith you may have yet to explore. It’s something I bump up against every day as I run my thoughts, words, and actions through the lens of HALT and choose to examine how my response to events illuminate parts of Self that require attention and integration BEFORE they are ‘fixed’ externally.

Coming Soon on the Pod

I will be releasing a series of solo podcasts where I will take you deeper into my personal journey of navigating self development, self healing, spirituality and sovereignty. Why I refuse to buy into the fear or prophesies that feed the matrix. How I came to the peaceful conclusion that there is nothing I need to protect or defend other than my ability to Be the neutral observer and witness of my Self, and what external contracts I’ve been correcting from this embodied state of neutrality.

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